In bed at 8 pm - sober but heartbroken
Well as I said I'm in bed very early. First day drinking nothing. Last night was awful asleep at ten awake at one am , just watching the clock until 5:30 when I had to get up for work. Spent all morning running to the loo to throw up as I had eaten nothing really for 3 days. Then my partner told me he has rented a place ( he has been gone three weeks to get some space ) ran to the loo again. Got some sleeping pills today so praying I get some sleep to tonight. This is the first night he has ben gone that I havnt drunk anything. I was nt getting smashed every night but definitely trying to get into that other space. Numb myself. My partner says he isn't giving up on me just giving us some space to sort it out , whatever that means. He is by no means perfect and we have had a pretty dodgy time of it in the last 13 years. But this year I thought it was looking good we moved into a new place and it felt like a family. But I guess what he felt was that he was living with a drinker who shouts and gets abusive and shamefully is so pissed I wet the bed, him having to wake up in my cold urine and I'm 37 yr old mother. Pretty gross ( I wouldn't tell my best friends that info). His way of dealing with it was just to stay away from home at night drinling at the pub, only he never comes home in a state. He certainly has never wet the flippn bed!!! Anyway he wants space , not sure of that's just a euphemistic way of saying goodbye. I guess sometimes it is , sometimes not. So now it's back to just me and the kids , while I try try try to get through this. Alone ( except for you guys !) and try and be as normal as poss for the girls. I guess they'd rather see me in bed before them than sitting outside chain smoking and drinking and looking miserable ? Been reading on here on my work breaks And most of the night. Thought it would make it worse to read about drinking all the time, but no one is talking about happy drinking. So fine folks off to the land of nod for me, hoping its crazy dream free and can wake up with one day under my belt. X