This last time when abf asked me about Subs, I told him that I was way beyond thinking I knew what was best for him. He kept trying to get my opinion on treatment, and I said that he was a smart guy and could figure it out for himself. I did suggest that I thought he needed something more intensive in terms of treatment.
It sounds like you are doing a good job taking care of yourself. Sometimes, I have to repeatedly hand abf over to God. It is hard for me to let go, but I've gotten better at it.
I really believe that the addict has a path to follow. God has a direction for them. They may need to fall several times before they really embrace recovery. I also believe that God gave us free will, and our addicts deserve the same from us. It is hard to watch the person you love crashing and burning, but that is part of his path.
I am glad that you are going to visit your father. You are doing what you need to do. You are acknowledging that you can't control AH. Maybe, I. The long run, the space will help you both.
I'm sorry about your father. I have not gone through this with my own parents, but I went through it with abf's parents. It was very difficult and painful.