Dear Newby
My separated at birth sister, I feel your pain. My husband isn’t an alcoholic but he has a ‘passive aggressive’ personality, which is something I had never heard of until a few people here pointed it out to me and I googled it. When he is angry with me he doesn’t speak to me, doesn’t look at me, just treats me as though I don’t exist, sleeps in the spare room and won’t even eat or drink anything I make!! It’s his way of dealing with it, or his way of being in control of me, bit of both may be.
His sulking spells usually last for 3 days, when we first lived together it used to drive me mad, I would do anything and everything to get him to speak to me, I’d apologise even though it wasn’t always my fault, I’d send him texts, emails, write him notes, try and talk to him, make him lovely meals that he wouldn’t touch. Silly me! Luckily we don’t have many fall outs. The last time I drank, last August, he didn’t speak to me for over 5 weeks ( though I probably did deserve it then, but not for nearly 6 weeks).
I’ve learnt over the years, to let him get on with it, I just treat him as though he is a sulky child and don’t let him see that it’s bothering me. I will say hello to him when I get in and goodbye when I’m going out, but don’t attempt to make conversation with him, just the basics that only require a yes or no. I won’t cook anything for him, therefore I don’t give him the satisfaction of leaving it and I carry on just as normal, going to work, visiting my family, going for walks etc. He gets over these sulks far quicker now that I let him see that life will go on with or without him.
We are actually fine together at this moment in time, or should I say until next time I upset him!!
Hope i've been some help, stay strong and try not to let it get you down too much.
Lots of love.