tinkerbell11

Hi, I'm 46, work full time as a well paid professional, am married with kids, dogs, a house, a nice car. Never been in trouble with the law. Sounds perfect, right? Well over the past 10 years I was hiding a terrible secret. Diagnosed with post partum depression after my 2nd child was born, I was put on anti-depressants but that wasn't enough...I started drinking wine on a daily basis. As stress increased in my life as I tried to juggle everything, so did the drinking increase. Eventually within the past year, I would start at lunch and often didn't even return to the office. I'd be late coming home and would blame work. It started to affect my relationships with family and my friends. I would forget things, I would drive intoxicated, I would wake up every morning with crippling anxiety. I would try to stop on my own, but discovered I couldn't. Finally, my family confronted me and said I had to do something. I talked to a mental health professional who put me in touch with an intensive outpatient program - I've been going to sessions 4 times a week now now for 2 months. I have learned so much about this disease. If there was any doubt that I am an alchololic, that doubt is gone. But I have still been struggling. Twice I made it 8 days without drinking, to then relapse. It's like my mind tricks me into believing that I can handle it. But the truth is that I can't - one drink is all it takes to set me back. I now believe that I can never "go back" to social drinking of any kind. And I need to stay vigilant and work at this. I've learned many relapse prevention tools, and I need to use them every day. I joined this group to be part of a community of others like me. :-) I do miss the social aspect of drinking, and I need to replace that with healthier alternatives.