Originally Posted by zoso77

When I was 10, my father died of a heart attack in the middle of the night at age 53.

Within a 12 month period, I put my mother into a nursing home, saw my mentor self destruct due to alcohol, and lost the love of my life -- not my AXGF, BTW.

And there were times I was wondering where the hell was God.

The answer I've came up with is pretty simple.

Life can be brutally unfair and hard. The only guarantee we have in life is that it will end. From beginning to end is one, long stochastic process with highs, low and everything in between. And it is what it is.

These days when I pray, I thank God for what I do have: brains, musical ability, the people in my life. And when I pray for something, it's usually the strength, the clarity, and the focus I will need to get through these next three months. I also pray for those I truly love, including those I have lost...to death, or otherwise.

Believe it or, I think it's healthy to be angry with God. When someone very close to me was dying of cancer this past fall, I was livid because he didn't take her sooner rather than later. I would literally say out loud, what the hell are you waiting for?

I got His answer when I went to her wake and spoke with her children. They described the last three months with their mother as a gift, with a lot of giving and sharing. And at the end, she went easy. So here I was praying for her to go quick, because I didn't want her to suffer...when in fact her children got a very precious three months with their mom.

Funny how God works, huh? And after she was gone, when I prayed, I said, OK, I get it now.

I guess what I'm saying in a very roundabout, sloppy way is God's got His own ideas for us. And instead of focusing on what we may not have, give thanks to Him for what we do have.

Best,
ZoSo