60 days today!
Today is my 60th day sober.It's the longest I've been sober since I started drinking in my mid teens,apart from when I was pregnant.
I tried to quit last year and got to 40 plus days both times but then something just pulled me back. Maybe I wasn't ready to quit, maybe I still wanted to drink more that I wanted to stop,maybe I just gave in to the cravings. I really don't know. Each time I went back it seemed harder, I felt awful,feelings of guilt shame, remorse,fear,inability to do this. But there was something there,stronger telling me I HAD to get sober and I really wanted to be sober. I'd gone from binge drinking in my 20s to wine at home at weekends to wine every night then starting earlier and earlier each day.To the point it really had taken over,slowly and sneakily without me realizing it.
I was going to wait till New Year but felt truly desperate and had my last drink on 7 Dec. It's been hard at times, especially as my husband,whilst supportive, still drinks.
I feel so much better,mentally and physically.The awful anxiety I've had for years has lifted,I feel at peace, more contented,less angry and not full of fears about everything.I have bad days but they aren't as bad,they don't last as long and I feel more able to deal with whatever problems are thrown at me and think I'm a more patient, more functioning parent.
I've lost ten pounds in weight,exercise regularly now and my skin is much improved-less bloatedness and redness. I never truly realized the damage it had done to my looks until I stopped and really looked at myself.I'm not scared to look in the mirror anymore and I find myself smiling in the street rather than looking at the floor.
i know 60 days is still early on but I genuinely believe I won't drink again. I never want to go back to the way I was. I've still got a lot of work to do on personal growth and am hoping the positive changes keep happening.
Thanks to everyone on SR for your continuing support,especially Dee and my fellow December classmates. I don't post often but I read everything.
To people who are starting out -it really does get better and it is worth it