I struggled with the same thing for a long time. I don't know if it is alcohol related or not.
It finally started to improve when I stopped trying to do it all. When my words matched my actions. When I said I would not do X, Y, and Z for him and I did not, and I stopped worrying about it if he did or not.
I felt like I was in a no win situation for a long time with this. Boy did it help when I got off this part of the ride.