Alexsandra,
I hope you keep in mind that it doesn't mean that we don't love our mothers, and more importantly it doesn't mean that they aren't doing a good job or aren't good people. It doesn't even mean they aren't helping!
Things just get complicated. Especially with a mother/child relationship. Frankly if Mom hadn't come once a month to "help" me vacume, do dishes, and laundry....I would probably have been in a lot worse shape than I am. And if she hadn't helped...well we've tried that...didn't keep me sober to not have the help.
It's a very confusing issue...My mom, just like me with my son, sometimes "guilt trips me" a bit or "expects things in turn". As the child we sometimes try to change ourselves to make the parent happy...despite their insistance it isn't necessary...very complex lol
The wierd thing is...I'm 54, mom is 84, and my son is 34...so we are all "adults".
Mom will be home on Friday. I thought about it. I am going to ask her up the next weekend to share about her trip and have fun...but also to vacuum. I've done better the last month (even though I drank the first 2 weeks) than I've done in years. Being independant helps...not sure what it's all about...but I don't want to backslide and I didn't vacume last week...critical with my alergys. She will feel good to help, I'll feel ok cause it's just a "little help", we will spend time having fun, and it really makes her feel good to do something about something she can do rather than nothing....again complicted...I just wanna find a balance. She is a wonderful person, we have a complex relationship, but both of us really do our best to make things work.
The one thing I know will be different is the 1 hour a day phone calls...they are really not helpful. I'm sure a psychologist could explain it...but I just know not being on the phone after work for an hour has allowed me to accomplish more and I seem to be sorting through my feelings without having to have that interaction...so...thats the big change for now.
Remember every relationship an situation is different..just take a look, try different things and always hold love in your heart (OK..be pissed sometimes LOL...we are only human).
It's almost "Hi HO HI HO (it's off to work we go) time here"....
Disney's Heigh Ho! - YouTube 