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Old 02-04-2013, 06:45 PM
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paul99
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
 
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
I can identify with some of that.

I was predominantly feeling great relief and joy after my first 5th, but as the shine wore off, I did start to feel a bit of what you described.

Tired - absolutely! It's emotionally draining and it's a slog to get through it at times. We're both actively speaking and listening, and this isn't the weather or sports we're talking about.

Angry - if there was any anger, it would have been self-directed, as there was the sense of how could I have done all this? What a wreck I truly made of the past. Sometimes our sponsor doesn't tell us what we want to hear as well...and we can put that anger on him / her.

Sad - I didn't experience too much sadness. Perhaps grieving would have been closer to it. I was grieving and mourning a life I once had, I grieved all the people that I had harmed, and seeing it all at once perhaps would have put me in that place. But I didn't stay in that for very long.

Lonely - For me, it may have been more about a "now what?" But I didn't have too time for that, as I immediately did my 6th and 7th and started writing my 8th that afternoon. I felt a stronger connection to my sponsor and to AA in general. I felt more part of than apart, so it's hard for me to have said that I experienced it myself.

IS there something specific that affected you...to feel this way?

Regardless - congratulations on doing your 5th!
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