Hi Miller,
I think sincere forgiveness is a process that takes time. I was completely shocked about the extent of my husband's addiction. I ignored many red flags because of ignorance to addiction, fear and denial.
The betrayal was almost paralyzing. I would never have thought my husband's priority wouldn't be to protect his family at all costs and put us first. But sadly, when it comes to addiction, I know realize how naive I was.
Like you, my priority was my family, and trying to be a good wife and mother and was blindsided when his addiction was revealed. During our separation, I stayed faithful and sought help. I never betrayed our vows, or my husband so forgiveness was a little harder because I couldn't justify his behavior by comparing it to my own poor choices.
I still struggle with the pendulum of forgiveness and anger/hurt at times. When he relapsed after his surgery, it brought back all those old feelings I thought I resolved. I realized forgives and acceptance are too very different things. It's all a process and we have to experience each feeling as they come.
Sounds like your husband is making great efforts and that is a blessing to be thankful for. IMO, over time, his actions can help rebuild your foundation and this time it can be built on a more solid, honest foundation. Hang in there, be easy on yourself and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and then let it go.
I try to use SR to vent my feelings so I do not take them out on him. Sadly, at times, I have shamed and blamed him. I know he feels already feels very bad and disappointed with himself and expressing my anger and hurt was not helpful for him. Doesn't mean I am not entitled to those feelings, I just try to be healthier or less destructive about how I express them now.
Wishing you all the best.