Originally Posted by
Kys 
Can I never go back to that life?
If you mean, "Can I ever drink normally again?" Then the answer is no assuming you are an alcoholic.
Word of warning. Your addiction will do everything in it's power to convince you that you are not an alcoholic. If you read the first 164 pages of the AA big book (free at aa.org) and are honest with yourself you will likely know if you are an alcoholic or not.