Venuscat,
just remembering my 50th now, which i used to break a couple-of-months-abstinent spell by asking someone at my party to share her wine with me. then had to figure out where and how to get more without it looking too odd that i was leaving the party in my honour earlier than anyone else! oh the yuck-factor!
drank for a more than another year after that but can tell you that yeah, there's life after getting sober! real life!good, bad, indifferent, but real.
you can do this. congrats on the decision for a sober life!
being on a forum daily was a huge help to me, and maybe you'll find that to be true for you, too.
happy upcoming b-day to you.