I was like this quite a bit. I believed the theory above that life was more of an equation to solve. There were reasons for everything, and it could all be manipulated through various variables to achieve different outcomes. This caused a lot of unneeded pain, frustration, and misery. There was no faith in God, because, like above, my higher power was alcohol or drugs, at any given time. Faith is still a pretty foreign concept, but if I keep putting one foot in front of another, while attempting to not live selfishly, I believe I am on the right path.