Originally Posted by
bemyself 
MyTime, I really get where you're at, as I'm in a similar situation. My RR book finally arrived a few days ago, and I've at last had the chance to read / underline all of it. I was in fact prompted to buy it precisely because of the fantastic - and erudite - discussions / explanations about AVRT here in Secular Connections. I read all of them, and am very grateful to numerous regular posters who DO get it and have been using AVRT.
Currently, I'm drinking about a bottle of white wine every afternoon or evening, and would certainly of course NOT recommend this to anyone. I just thought it best to be totally honest esp here on the boards. Notwithstanding, I am practising / learning how my AV actually works its nasty snivelling little tactics, as I have come to really understand that quitting IS totally in the mind. Well, in fact, MY mind. Hence, 'no guru, no method, no teacher' (in the sense of endless rehabs, programmes, etc etc). That's just a title (or line) from an old Van Morrison song which really speaks to me. It's kind of very Zen, too, I reckon.
Anyway, I keep posting and reading here on SR, as this has become my (erm) 'meeting', much more helpful to me now than a certain well-known version. I respect those who find the latter great for them, but after a year of giving 'it' a damn good go, 'it' can't keep me sober for good in MY mind.
Best wishes to you,
Vic
Hi Bemyself
Don't worry you're making sense to me. Can I ask, whilst you have been reading have you decided not to have that bottle of wine at all and if so how does your AV react?
I have so much doubt in myself as the last time I drank (23 Jan) it was almost farcical. I was out across town doing a little cleaning job, so it was 3 hours alone... just me and my thoughts. I was fine for the majority of it but before then end the AV came bang out of nowhere and I actually started entertaining it.
Rather than get pleasure from the idea of drinking though I got SO stressed! I just wanted to finish up and go. I did and I was fighting with myself the whole time. I had to drive across town and I was thinking go straight home, go straight home, but I need milk and cigs so need to go to the shop aaargh. Buy wine/dont buy wine etc
Then my petrol light came on so I thought aha! Buy your milk and cigs at the petrol station no booze there. Super. Got there and had been waiting a couple of mins, then out of nowhere a car just cuts in front of me and whizzes to MY pump! Well that was is. All rational thought out of the window. Look at the queue I'm going to be here bloody ages. I'm not sitting here like a lemon, forget it I'll get petrol tomorrow.... I drove off in a huff straight to the shop where I promptly bought 2 bottles of wine (and forgot the milk)
Absolute mental turmoil.