Hi Wino,
They say we are as sick as our secrets. I'm worried about you and hope you will pray and/or meditate on getting real with your partner. She surely must know something is up but doesn't want to ask for fear of you getting upset. I know I used to get pretty nasty when my boyfriend would ask me about my drinking. And sometimes I wanted him to but how was he supposed to know when the topic was safe?
But this is something you should do as a couple: recovery. She recovers and you recover and you can also start the morning reading from the Big Book together, praying, meditation, a book you find inspiring and hopeful.
AA meetings are just essential. Some people do great without. Most don't. Get in there and stay in there. IT IS THE ANSWER. It will be your safety, your reprive from this storm of life. There are more and more LGBT meetings now but heck AA is so diverse anyway it just doesn't matter IMO. BUT it's whatever makes you comfortable.
Some people say they went into AA and felt right at home. I wasn't like that. I hated meetings and hated feeling vulnerable and especially hated hearing about feelings and God. So I drank for another 15+ years. Now I love them. I pray and know God. My God. Yours may be different. But do find your God. You can start doing that anytime. Got a problem with the God word - pray to anything bigger than you. Have a problem with prayer? Get over it!! Prayer is what you want to do a lot of. Talk often. Ask for help. Specifically ask the desire to be taken away. This works.
Also, your withdrawals sound bad. I hope you will go to a detox tomorrow if you are too sick. Alcohol withdrawal is deathly dangerous. I'm lucky I survived many of mine. Don't mess with it. Get help for a medical condition if you have one. Seriously.
You'll be in my prayers tonight and I will check this link tomorrow as I hope you will come on to let us know how you are. You are already cared about in this community.
