Please look within your heart and find a better life. Don't follow my path. My drinking has lead to seizures. I have a broken nose from one. And I have a tremor despite sober for over a week. You don't want to go there. Get the support you need from friends if possible, hopefully a forgiving family, if not at least a competent doctor. But if not there, there is a huge community of people who will support you. Your partner deserves you at your best. Get clean and sober. It's a struggle but one worth fighting for. Accept yourself. Don't let others judge or define you. Be you. Be happy. Be sober. Be joyful. Let's work together to support each other in creating an authentic true life.