Hey wino, I really wish I knew what to tell you but I wonder if you're really hiding it from your partner, does he/she drink too?
My guess is that you're sick from withdrawing and I wish you'd get some medical help.
Do you know what it is that keeps getting you to pick up? I know you've probably heard it many times before, but whenever you're ready, you don't have to do this any more.
Glad you're here, keep posting. I hope you feel better soon. :ghug3