Instead of asking him to do anything. Telling him what he's "doing wrong." Why not just observe how he behaves when there are no mandates to follow? Is he trustworthy? Does he make a good partner? Is he willing to do the right thing even without you telling him what that is?
Yikes, this is what I'm doing with my AH, to my chagrin. I'm holding back, hoping against all reason at this point, that he makes some grand gesture that shows me everything is going to be okay.
How crazy is that?! Ha.