I know there is a Secular 12 step recovery forum and I post there but I wanted to start a thread here because there is a steady stream of posts from people who are reluctant to attend Alanon because of this “issue” and the other forum has large number of people in or trying recovery from alcohol and other addictions there. It isn’t always a comfortable place for F&F members because it exposes you to things you may not be ready to deal with, especially if you haven’t started a recovery program of your own.
I think this could be a good place for those with concerns about God, higher powers and spiritual conversions to discuss their feelings about this in regards to Alanon.
I am an agnostic, I don’t believe in God or gods. I won’t say there is no god because there is no way to prove that statement, just as there is no way scientifically to prove that there is a God. I have rather strong Buddhist and Taoist leanings but only from the point of view that there are some great self improvement tools to be found there.
I have had issues with the whole higher power thing and turning my life over to an outside force. No matter how much Alanon says they are not religious there is a underlying Christian ethic in the program. The 12 steps have a strong confession, forgiveness, and redemption feel to me.
At times the attitudes are somewhat condescending from some of the members and the literature. Just hang in there, you’ll get it and fake it till you make it don’t really resonate with me.
That being said, Alanon probably saved my life. Having a place where I can go, a sanctuary, where people really understand is a huge part of my recovery. To break the isolation, the lies and the self doubt is a major part of healing. I feel like I am home when I am in a meeting. Mostly I feel safe. I know I can share about my feelings, my thoughts, my recovery and I won’t have what I said thrown back in my face or used against me at some future point.
I have come to terms with the concept of a higher power as well. I know my ego is not the answer, my best thinking is what got me into and kept me in this mess for so long. I can’t think my way out of this.
My higher power is “Don’t Know”. I don’t need to define it anymore than that. It is as simple as something other than my ego. It could be the universe, the Tao, the Force for you Star Wars fans, Buddha nature or my favorite - intuitive awareness. Whatever it is it is not my monkey mind (ego). By the way I use all of these as my higher power as it seems to shift depending on my mood or feelings at the time.
I don’t discuss my higher power, as vague as it might be, at meetings because I know it might be taken the wrong way by some of the members and I really don’t need to as part of my recovery. I try to be respectful of others beliefs. There is too much good in the program to let myself get hung up on what others believe of or don’t believe.
Thanks for letting me share,
Your friend,