Liz, having followed your story since I joined SR in June, or whenever you first posted, I think you're making incredible progress. You've gone from outright defense of your AH and irritation with those who suggested he might be at fault, to less defense of him and more just denial, to perceiving the chinks in that armor.
Now you are really looking at yourself as an individual, not just "in the context" of what your AH thinks. And as you open up about the terrible childhood abuse you suffered, you are making the linkages to how that abuse shaped your sense of self, and how that made your AH's bad treatment of you seem so familiar that it seemed appropriate and usual.
I think your progress is nothing less than marvelous, and you should be very very proud of yourself.
You had a career, as I remember, as a stockbroker, so you have lots of marketable knowledge and skills, and when you are ready emotionally, I think you'll be able to put the whole package together in a new exciting and very fulfilling way. Keep on digging, I think you're hitting paydirt!
ShootingStar1