Bottom is where you just can't do it anymore...where the fear of drinking out does the fear of not drinking. I hit several bottoms, but it wasn't until I fully conceded to myself that I was an alcoholic, felt it in my bones, knew that I had nothing left in me, and that I was done as I could ever be done....could I then reach out and ask for help. Until that moment, if I had the smallest of inklings of slivers that I could successfully drink again, then I was off to the races. I hope you find the place you need to find to stop for good and all.