Originally Posted by
weirdesttoner 
I was 10 days sober, in the last 5 or 6 years of everynight drinking.
I relapsed on day 11 and one more day. i stayed sober for 1 day. then relapsed again for 2 days. Then again sober 2 days. And relapsed with continuous drinking until now, a week, i don't know.
Now it seems that i lost my desire for soberness. I feel desperate. I know my life is still miserable as it always was, but i feel i lost my willpower. I'm very well determined in the mornig, but after i get out of work, i can't help but thinking about relaxing with a beer in hand. And of course it's not just one beer....
I lost my desire to go to gym, to german classes(and i love german language), allmost everything but alcohol. Do i have to hit rockbottom again and embarrass myself in fron of a few people to get determined again??
What the hell is wrong with me? Because i know this is a ****** path...
Someone help me, please...
You sound like me in 1989 except I got to the point where I had a beer in one hand and a gun in the other.
I didn't know which to put in my mouth first. I was a dead man walking.
My recovery began in a 90 day rehab then straight into AA. It saved my life.
All the best.
Bob R