Are these cravings???
So three times today the most unpleasant thing has happened. I am minding my own business then I come across,say, a corkscrew and this giddy,excited,ecstatic feeling hits me like "Oh YES, I cant wait to drink tonight!!" then BAM the realization hits me."opp! nope, no you're not, sorry bout that.."
And then I'll be in a stressful situation and its really getting bad and then I get this calm anticipation of "its OK, you'll be catching a buzz soon" big breath of relief then... BAM!
Then I see a favorite show will be on TV tonight and I smile and really,really look forward to my drinking tonight with the most excited anticipation ever, yay!! Then yeah you guessed it. BAM.
It really hits hard and makes me want to crumple up in ball and cry, because damnit it sucks.
I dont have the personal experience, but I liken it to someone who has lost say, a sister, and they go to pick up the phone to tell their sister really exciting only she would get, and then you realize, that person has died. And your heart just sinks.
Alcohol was my friend. And my enemy, Why can't we just get along?? Be like normal friends without all the messed up stuff. Its just not fair.
Are these cravings Im experiencing?? Does this happen to other people?