Originally Posted by
dandylion 
Dear Liz, it seems (to me), as I follow your progress, that your entire sense of identity and security is wrapped-up in your marriage. You seem too afraid to step away because it would feel like giving up your self and all of your security.
Am I right? Or off-base?
I hope you are continuing to stick with alanon and individual therapy. I believe that we are all capable of change.
It only takes one person to screw in a lightbulb (JOKE).
sincerely, dandylion
You're probably right on target. Honestly, when my AH proposed to me I was 25 and I felt that I was already an old hag and that I better accept the proposal because I doubted I'd be worthy in the future of any proposal. My self esteem has always been an issue for me, mostly because of the beat downs from my father. Nothing like hearing you should have been aborted over and over again by your own dad. I didn't know to blame alcoholism for his words, I didn't know they weren't true.
I really need to get over the 'labeling myself a failure' if my marriage fails thing. It seriously haunts me and I don't know why. My mom is divorced and happily remarried. My aunt divorced her abusive cheating husband, too, and no one in our family looked down on either one of them. It's something in ME that has created this way of thinking and I obviously have a lot of work to do to fix it.
I've screwed in plenty of lightbulbs on my own, too, LOL!