Please don't give up on wanting a better life. You have interests and desires that you're meant to pursue. You can still follow your dreams and leave alcohol in the dust.
I'm glad to see you're posting about it. That means you haven't truly stopped wanting things to change. I drank for 30 yrs. Like Gal220 said, I could see where it was taking me and I still had way too many things to do in my lifetime. If I can stop, so can you WS. We are all here for you - please keep posting, and never stop trying.