Betrayed by Doctors but Scared Straight
I found this site while searching for information on withdrawal. Just completed Day 5, or 120 hours since my last glass of wine. Wine has been my poison for about 15 years, at least 1 bottle, sometimes two a day. I had been drinking scotch for 10 years before that, but switched to wine after I got an ulcer.
Then began a period of denial.
Two years ago, while going through a divorce (my ex drank/still drinks me under the table), I thought I heard voices in our house. I asked her if she could hear them. She said, No. Then my heart felt weird and I got paranoid. I felt tremendous guilt about my drinking, so I asked her to take me to the hospital. The ER doctor took my vitals and blood, and said I was overreacting with anxiety, and gave me Xanax. The Xanax made me feel worse so I stopped taking it. I stopped drinking for a few months, then got back into it. I thought that perhaps I was just an occasional binge drinker, who did his heaviest drinking between jobs as a consultant.
And then came the wakeup call I didn't hear. I hadn’t slept in 3 days. I was in line for a salad for lunch at a local deli and then --- I didn't know what -- the next thing I knew, an ambulance driver was putting me on a stretcher. He told me I had had a seizure. Went to the emergency there. Another blood test. I told the ER doctor about my drinking, and she said I had a low white blood cell count, and that no one really knows what causes seizures (I later read that they result from some deficiency in the cerebellum, and that alcohol is particularly toxic to that part of the brain). She told me to take a multivitamin and sent me home.
I took this that I was just a regular drinker so resumed, while at the same reading about alcohol withdrawal and what happens during it. Then one morning, I could tell something was wrong. My blood pressure was 180/110 and my heart was racing. I had moved out of my old house, so I called a cab and went to a different hospital closer to my new home. This ER doctor took me at my word, and said it could get worse so he admitted me for observation. I spent 3 days in the hospital, then they sent me home, again telling me to take a multivitamin.
A month later, the same thing happened, elevated blood pressure and racing heart. They admitted me again for 3 days, telling me my liver enzymes were through the roof. I then went to see my Doctor, and he prescribed Ativan for me. I stopped drinking for two months, then started again.
After two weeks, I knew it was wrong, so I stopped. That was last Thursday. On Friday, I was trying to brush my teeth. The next thing I knew I was on the floor colored in blue die. I had had another grand mal seizure, I broke my nose against the sink, got thrown across the room, my back broke the toilet tank, and the water had spilled out onto the floor in my bedroom, coloring the entire floor and me in that deep blue color of the tablet you put in toilets to keep them clean. (I have yet to replace that toilet and clean my carpet, though I spent 2 hours trying today.)
Then it got worse. I woke up Sunday will terrible shakes. I feared yet another seizure. So I started to take magnesium to prevent seizures and Benadryl to lessen my tremor. It’s now Tuesday, day 5, and my tremor persists. This morning it was so bad I couldn’t write legibly. I had to ask the Postal Clerk to fill out the Express Mail label for me.
I know I’m not out of the woods yet. There is still a risk delirium might happen in the next few days. I hope not.
My story is particularly bothersome to me, because I reached out to doctors at least four times, and because I’ve been taking Thiamine, B-12, B-complex, and Milk Thistle, they simply read my blood test, and said the results weren’t consistent with that of an alcoholic. But I know that the seizures I had were a direct result of my years of alcohol abuse.
With each throb of my broken nose, with the memory of me on the floor covered in blue, with all the work I have yet to do to return my house to normalcy I know cannot drink any more.
What makes things worse – all a result of my imprudence –I got a call for a very good consulting job today, but could not return it in the condition I’m in. Since they wanted someone to start tomorrow, I’ve lost the gig.
I know the next seizure I have could leave me brain damaged or dead. I’ve been scared straight. I just hope I make it through the next few days alive.