You sound conflicted about whether or not you want to be sober, and I guess I'm not sure why. It sounds like your reasons to quit vastly outweigh your reasons to stop. And if you get sick after even a couple of drinks, how does moderating to a couple of drinks help you? Are you even able to moderate? I couldn't. I had to quit. It was the best decision I ever made. I know several people in AA who are atheists, so that doesn't have to be a hurdle for you unless you make it one. But even if AA isn't for you, there are a lot of other methods of recovery. You can stop planning your drinking and start making a plan for staying sober!