Thankyou everyone for your replies, really appreciate the kind and honest words.
I really am not sure about going to any meetings, I wouldn't know where to start and I'm too scared to be truthful! I can do it by myself as I've stopped before. But I think now it has suddenly hit me how serious this all is and what I'm risking, and I'm basically just wasting my life.
I just hope I'm lucky enough not to have messed everything up and can have another chance.
getting more and more anxious as the day goes on, I really am expecting the worse!
Has anyone had any experiences with paranoia? Is this something involved with drinking?