I've blown it
Hi everyone
This is my first post here but I have been visiting this forum for a while now to read now and then.
I know I won't get any answers or my situation won't change from posting here. It's all my own fault and problem but I just need to vent my anxiety.
I've been drinking for years but stupidly thought it wasn't a big problem as I was still living a 'normal' day to day life, holding down a job, and thinking I've been hiding it well from everyone (who am I kidding).
However I feel like its all come to ahead now, I think I have over done it and my employer knows. I am dreading going back to work. Terrified I'm going to get the sack. All weekend I have been so anxious, I'm trying not to think about what will happen because I know I can't change it now. I just know that I'm going to get spoken to tomorrow. I actually feel scared to death, my heart is racing, I get hot flushes, feel tingling all over everytime I think about it. Feel physically sick and angry at myself that I've done this to myself. How am I going to face everyone, so ashamed and embarrassed and I will lose everything and everyone once it gets out. I also couldn't sleep a wink last night. This is it now, I'm done! I never want to feel like this again.
Sorry for the long post, just needed to air this, but also welcoming any words from someone who has been in a similar situation.
Thanks for reading.