I'm glad that you are asking these questions and have been reading around. I'm always struck by the absurbity of the whole thing that we (the codie end of things) are always on here wondering how to support "them" and what they need. Are they ever on a site lamenting about the lies that they have told us and how bad "we feel".
"We" move across the country, "we" attempt to move past the lies and the hurt. There is a tendency for a real discrepancy to develop in relationships that involve addiction.
The short version of my long story is that my boyfriend was addicted. He quit using and worked a recovery program. After 18 months of clean time I married him. That month he quit going to meetings. He remained sober but his behavior changed. My read on it is that the ever-alive addict within him began to destroy our relationship. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me. When that didn't run me off he became physically abusive. I finally left. He's back using again...."just some Adderall, alcohol, and weed time to time".....not his DOC (cocaine). Except he did relapse on that for 8 months - no telling if he's telling the truth now.
So....I totally agree about the need for an addict to work a recovery program relentlessly. That's a lot of trust to put into someone that has a shaky history at best. Trust your gut....if in doubt "don't"....all those slogans work. Being involved with even a recovering addict means that you need/must your own strong recovery program. What are you doing to dig in deep and have your own program? Are you willing to work a strong program for the rest of your life? Those are all things that need to be considered as you think about your future.
Keep us posted....there is lots of support and wisdom here. Sending you hugs...