All the little changes = 1 big change. The one thing that drives me to take the drug is the very thought of getting the drug which evolves into a powerful emotion in my chest that is overwhelming. I always tried to argue with myself to stay away from it and failed EVERYTIME so now I think of all the small overlooked details that lead up to the score giving me more bargaining power to say no and mean "no". I dug out some books yesterday, anthony robbins awaken the giant within and Unlimited power but I started this morning with rational recovery by Jack Trimpey. These are things that I never do but to top it all off my daughter, 7 years old, accompanied me to mcdonalds last night and whilst she sat calmly in the back of the car began to tell me that she wants to be a
gymnast when she grows up but most of all a ballerina. I actually sat there and
listened to every word she said and can still remember them today( this is unheard of with me), today I built lego with my son who is 6 and my twelve year old daughter came home from school and I actually spoke to her without telling her off for something. Two days of being free from it and all this already? My mind is clearer, I recognise what is going on around me and i'm focused on fixing myself. Can you see that I'am outside of my comfort zone now?This is what is driving me to get better, my mental state outside of its "governing body", out of reach of temptation. So many little things that are helping me, listening to steven seagal's calm voice throughout the film "the keeper", listening to my passion-hiphop music where I dont hear the words, I feel them. We may all be the same but our dna make-up and mental syntax varies between us all so what would work for you may not work for me, we have to find what works for ourselves. Even though I have tried and not succeeded numerous times doesn't mean that I "failed", I look at it as I produced a result I did not want so tried again. These are a few of the things that are working for my recovery