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Old 01-20-2013, 10:04 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
paul99
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
 
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
I don't have the dramatic stories that you share there, but one thing I do share having had that utter desperation of either wanting to end it all or knowing that I might end up jail because I killed someone. Drunks either get covered up, locked up or sobered up.

But the one thing I most identify is the compartmentalizing. I was able to split into so many factions that lying was easy, drinking in secret was easy, cheating was easy, stealing was easy...or so it seemed easy. All that stuff - the guilt, the shame, the dishonesty, etc. all ate my lunch big time. I could only keep those different parts of me separated only so long. It wasn't until I couldn't do it anymore and that my life was falling apart on all levels, that I realized the jig was up. I got as far as I could, I ran as much as I could and hid as much as I could, and there I was - still stuck with me. I was done.

It was from that moment on that I got into detox, treatment and into AA. I haven't had a drink since, and I have started to be whole again. I am not fragmented, I am learning to be myself, learning what myself is and it's been an amazing journey.

I hope you find your journey of sobriety, which ever way you seek it.

And yes, I would like to read that book if you ever wrote it.
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