Kefka, I almost want to not feel sorry for you, but I do. Pity won't get you sober, replace lost or damaged possesions or gain back relationships.
You sound like you know your days of dodging bullets of various kinds are coming to an end one way or another.
A drunken suicide attempt becomes successful, you get your a$$ kicked into a coma, a usually uneventful drunken car ride becomes the end of your life or someone else's at worst, an expensive stint through the legal system that may include jail time.
I needed to stop because I can't function the way I need to.
I hope you find peace soon, it sucks at first - OK it still sucks, but not as bad as the alternative.