Kefka,
Lots of people here know exactly how you feel. Somebody mentioned the other day that if they kept drinking they would eventually go insane. To a non-addict that probably doesn't make much sense, but it really struck a chord with me.
I remember watching an episode of Dexter where he had been up all night causing mayhem and killing people, arrived home at 6AM in the morning, fit in an hour of sleep, and then went to work trying to pretend as hard as possible that nothing was wrong. Minus the killing of course, that fit my life to a tee for ten years. The mental strain of living that way was overwhelming.
I too have hundreds of unspeakable, unimaginable stories and yet somehow never managed to get arrested (although after being thrown through a window after trying to skip out my tab I did have to visit the police station). Scary thing was during that time I never even once contemplated sobriety. Thought it was something I just wasn't capable of off.
If I can put together 2.5 months of sobriety anybody can. And funny enough, life becomes a whole lot more manageable and a whole lot less insane. This place has helped me tons, hope you stick around and it can do the same for you.