I too promised myself many many times that I will not drink, no matter what.
However, somehow my alcoholic mind would trick me into picking up that bottle of wine after work etc.
You are not an idiot, nor a failure. You are sick person that needs to do more in order to get and stay sober...
Sobriety comes first. Always.
Do you still have alcohol in your house ? That's a big NO for someone just getting sober....