you know what's really wild? i can turn this **** off if i have to put on a face! i had to protect myself at the OBG-YN today. they took my BP and pulse. i was at something like 88/55 and 67 bpm. i can talk myself into being cool because i gotta. i gotta be cool i can't lose this face so i can move into a zen mode. they took my blood and they're worried i'm anemic. probably doesn't help that i didn't eat that day or the night before. i don't know what the eff is wrong with me. but now i'm in manic panic. my husband's out and i'm scared. i'm hyper, i'm scared, i'm TOTALLY FREAKING RIGHT NOW! i don't know what to do...i don't want to eat. if i eat, i'll purge it. i don't care tonight. i may not eat at all. i just don't have it in me. i really don't know what do do right now. i want to cut my ankle and drink and go outside and smoke.