Well, after hubby and I talking about the Saturday meeting with his daughter (we talked about it ALL week, quit the build up). We decided not to go. It was quite obvious to me that hubby was angry as hell and really not able to control it. That was just in his conversations with me. I knew it would be a bad visit. He felt (feels) like there all sorts of things he needs to say to her. I'm convinced his plan is (was) to change her mind ... get her to see what she should be doing. I can't convince him of that.
At any rate, I told him I not driving that far just to watch them get into a screaming match, especially in front of our young son and her child. I'm not going to do it. He immediately agreed and I could see a weight was lifted off of him.
I told him I would let his daughter know we couldn't make it. I decided there was really no reason to explain that her dad was so mad at her he didn't want to see her .... it sounds horrible .... may be I took the easy way out but I guess I just didn't want to even consider having that conversation with her. I let her know that we couldn't' make it. It was via fb message which wasn't my intention but she sent me a message saying she was excited to see us (plus she doesn't' have a phone so it's not easy to reach her). She replied immediately that it was no problem. I asked her for her address so we could try to send her son some things. She gave it to me along with his sizes.
About 5 hours later I got a FB message asking when I would be sending things for her son and what was I sending. I didn't reply right away. Before I did, she sent her dad a message "Just don't worry about coming up." We were both pretty confused by it .... my guess is that she was trying to make him feel more guilty. Something I think her mother taught her, guilt trips.
At any rate, the conversation between the two of them did not go well. I think he said what he wanted to say and I told him he needs to let it go now. She's going to do what she wants to do .... no matter how much he wishes she'd do things differently.
Sorry such a long post .... I am glad we didn't make the trip although I also feel quite guilty. I think it was the right thing to do for now.