Momzo

I'm doubting myself even though I know that breaking up w him was the only thing I could do...I'm so hurt and confused...

He called yesterday around 5 as I was walking out of work. I didn't pick up. Then he texted saying its important. So I had to call him. He said he is paying water bill on Thursday. He was so nice about it. I mentioned his text about how people couldn't believe he was paying it! He didn't reply. To that. But said he knows its his bill to pay. Then he told me he's signing on an apartment this week and will get stuff out of garage. I said I'm in no hurry since you are paying water bill. He was thankful. Then he said I sounded good, not angry. So I had to bring up why I was so mad all of the time. For the past 7 months, I tried to work w him, told him its not working out, told him everything that upset me...then he mentioned he knew he was drinking too much. I told him the whole situation was hurting us and we are better off apart. He didn't agree w that line. He asked how I was and how the cats are. I was driving home w tears streaming down my face...like now. Anyway,then he asked if the garage door was open cuz he needed to get his bowling ball. I said yes. Then for the first time in ages or ever,he asked about my work. It hurts me and confuses me. This happened last time. I told him I also joined an alanon group. He said good. ?? I wonder if he knows what alanon is? I'm sure he has too. He started talking under his breath, I wasn't sure if he was talking to me...I asked if he was talking to me, he said yes, but never mind. He sounded sad.

I wish things were different. I think he's getting his own apartment which is good. I was stupid and sent him a text last night saying 'I wish you would get help...I'll always love you. I pray for you and me.' Stupid huh?

Am I a mess or what?