I was a big ball of fear, and had an answer to everything, judged everything and everyone, over-thought everything, lived in my head 24/7, never thought of helping a soul unless it helped me in the end.
I had to take the actions as laid out in the big book of alcoholics anonymous. I had to drag my sorry butt to meetings I didn't want to go to, talk to people I had no interest in talking to, share with people I was too busy judging, and listen to a sponsor I thought I wouldn't like at the get go. I had to walk through these fears and judgments or else I was going to die a slow alcoholic death.
I had to take a lot of chances in opening up and trusting. I didn't like it. I needed to be dragged kicking and screaming into my recovery and I am glad I was. Or I wouldn't be here.