Thank you for all your replies. I have thought about why I relapsed and I know it was because I was feeling lonely, depressed and just forgot the consequences of my actions, but I am hell bent on remembering the after effects from this relapse! NOT NICE, things moving around in my eye, flashes of light, palpitations and panic attacks and constant vomiting! Its been 8 days now since, I am eating more now but now have what I think is stomach ulcer? Oh well, at least thats not life threatening! I am though the worst and went to an AA meeting yesterday and need to work on the steps. It's my birthday today so I am feeling generally happier I have more energy rather then walking around like a criple and at my age! COME ON. Thanks for all your support, and my conclusion is AA meetings and CBT as well as my anti-depressants and that starts today THANK GOD! I know I have been through alot and it probably did contribute to my depression, anxiety - replapse, but Onwards and Upwards as they say!