Our sobriety is not an excuse to not deal with our issues and how they affect others. It is a time to start to deal with ourselves and our feelings, and to start dealing with our relationships straight up. If they are toxic then we have no choice but to walk away. But it has been my experience that I was very much overly selfish, and with the help of a good counselor, I learned how to stop trying to change others, and truly take care of myself. See I found I was too close to my other and was as much at fault for my control issues. Once I got a grip on that, life became soooooo much easier. See, I only had to change me, and that I could do regardless of how long it took. Seems I did not want to venture too far into change, so was using another to procrastinate. I was complaining about the mote in her eye, to avoid dealing with the beam in mine. Oh she is no saint either. But she is doing her part, and I am much happier doing only mine, instead of doing both.
We have to be gentle with ourselves at times, and brutally honest with ourselves at other times. At no time sober or drunk, is rudeness excusable simply because it is true and hurts. We seem to get back what we put out.
If you can, see a good counselor and see if they can help you put things in perspective.
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"
Wayne Dyer