The way I see it is in drink we were trying to plug a hole in our very fabric of existence....something that wasn't right. When we stop this we are still left with the hole, and we need to work on ourselves to allow this to heal. Part of this is learning to love ourselves. Once we have healed we can then share this love and recovery with others. If you are in AA that is what Step 12 is about, but equally we can do this by just being a better friend, partner, parent, etc. but it has to start with us becoming a whole person again.
We often try to please others because we fell inadequate or guilty. This needs to be addressed, in my opinion if we are to get and remain sober.