Hopeful, what does your son want? Has he indicated HIS plan? He cannot take control of his life if he has no urgency to do so. I do understand, I have done all of the things you are talking about, and at the end of the day, my son did whatever he wanted to do.
Now he is saying to me all the things I want to hear. The difference this time will be, I am NOT going to do the work for him. I am standing firm in my belief that my son is intelligent and driven enough to be able to take care of himself.
You have to be true to yourself but also allow your son to take the lead.
It is very hard but any former addict will tell you that is how they finally chose their own way.
Hugs again
TT