Originally Posted by
lettinggoagain 
he has called me every name in the book, told me how stupid and pathetic i am, has let me down more times than i can count yet i still love him. i hate myself for this.
Don't hate yourself for it. It is possible to love the person, but hate the addict.
My mom was a mean, nasty drunk when she drank. During my teens years she was very emotionally abusive to my siblings and I. However, I don't hate her, I love her very much.
Sober she is the most loving, caring person. She would give the shirt off her back to help people. She helped me so much when my daughter was young as I was a single parent. I still love my mom very much and even if I get mad at her and hate her when she is drunk, I still love her.
Speaking as an alcoholic, we are selfish people and unhappy people. We break promises, lie, maniplate, feel sorry for ourselves and make excuses for our behaviour. Everytime I relapsed I could up with 100 reasons why I did and not one of them was my fault. I don't know any alcoholic that is happy with themselves. Deep down we want others to hurt because we do. We are very good at sabotaging relationships because we figure we don't deserve to be happy and dammit neither do you.
My drinking did become progressively worse. I drank more and my binges lasted longer. I'm just lucky I finally realized what I was doing to myself. At the end of the day it is about choices. We have to fix ourselves, we can't ask people to do it for us.
I would probably even be leary about dating me even though I am no longer drinking. I am always going to have to work on myself and not become complacent. I can never guarantee anyone that I won't drink ever again. I certainly don't want to, but I don't kid myself, I will always be one drink away from that dark side.
Sorry this turned into a book!