Originally Posted by
2granddaughters 
Are you in active service right now? What do you plan to do to make yourself "worthy"?
I found lasting sobriety and sanity in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. The 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous would do the same for you.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Bob,
Yes, I'm in active service. The thing is, I'm actually really good at my job, and when I saw my addiction starting to take a toll on that, and I saw my addiction related lies start to become lies for the sake of lies, I felt like I didn't deserve the uniform I wear. Which, some might say that's being hard on yourself, but when you know friends who've laid down their lives, it certainly doesn't seem that way.
I've begun attending NA meetings, and plan on continuing. This feels impossible to do alone.
Thanks so much to everyone for your kind words. It makes me feel like I'm not alone.