Originally Posted by
Werhappy1 
When she drinks she calls him. He also states that she calls his place of employment.
Sadly alcoholics do this ... It's one of the main things that causes them to lose friends and relationships. They usually don't even remember it the next morning. Often it is not just calls but texts/emails and FB messages too.
Originally Posted by
Werhappy1 He has not told her about us... And I feel he is enabling her and letting her still control his life by not telling her.
Or by NOT telling her he is allowing her NOT to control this aspect of his life. If she knows he is seeing someone new may be one more thing for her to rant about and obsess over and make his life a living hell.
Originally Posted by
Werhappy1 refuses to be my friend on Facebook because he says she will harass me.
From my experience what he is telling you is a real possibility. Let's play this scenario out.... he tells her about you. You feel better because he "stood up to her and told her about you". She looks you up. YOU start getting drunk FB messages or phone calls at all hours of the night calling you every name in the book. Sound like fun? So do you have her arrested from several States away. You want to pay the attorney fees for a prosecution. Or do you start pushing him to get her off your case... and he just says.. "Told ya." Could end up being more of a nightmare than it's worth.
Originally Posted by
Werhappy1 And has threatened to kill herself if he dates anyone, so he is worried that she might hurt herself. And also choosing her over me.
The worry is natural, but this is probably the main way she is still having control over him. That is something he will have to work out. It may feel like he is choosing her over you, but I don't think so. The threat to kill is usually a very powerful controlling bluff, and it takes a while to get beyond it.
Originally Posted by
Werhappy1 I wanted to ask if I'm bring selfish, or do I have a legitimate concern, never dealing w this issue before hand. How do you think he should handle this?
You need to realize that it is his issue, not yours. Something that HE needs to deal with. The more you focus on it, and if you push and demand that he reveal your relationship to her, the more it will become YOUR issue. I don't think you want that. The amount of attention you give this will determine the level of drama it has in your relationship, and the level of control this XA has over your relationship. Sounds like he has enough drama to deal with. I would give him a place to escape it instead of adding to it.
My question is ... do they have kids together? Is there anything (other than the treat of her killing herself) to keep him from going completely no contact. Not that YOU can force that, but it is something you could discuss with him.
Just my 2 cents... that and $3.48 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.