Cooking, eating, and cleaning the dishes is such a hassle. Just drink a beer for now and it will take care of your appetite. Go to that SR website you like so much. You can cook and eat later.
But remember, you won't be able to enjoy all I have to offer if you have a stomach full of food and orange juice.
Look at those screwed up people! All you're doing is drinking a beer and checking out stuff on the web.
I'll help you sleep better too, and you won't have any of those pesky nightmares and sheet twisting. Remember those nightmares? Now, you don't want those, do you? Stick with me buddy. You won't go far wrong.
Oh, the seizures? Well, the one that hurt was an aberration. You had 3 that didn't hurt. You fell to the floor/sidewalk effortlessly and didn't even get a bruise. You don't even remember them. It was painless.
Ambulance rides make great stories. Don't you remember the Ingmar Bergman film "Brink of Life?" He's you're favorite director, right? It makes for great drama.
What kind of stories are you going to tell your grandkids? Oh yeah, you don't like kids. Well, when everyone's blabbing on about their kids you can consult me and I'll drown out that noise. I'll quiet all that noise in your head, whatever it is. You deserve a break.
You can't smoke tobacco and not drink. You can't drink and not smoke tobacco.
All the great works of art were created under the influence.
OK, go ahead and cook and eat and drink orange juice, but make something that requires a lot of preparation so that you can drink while you do it, and then you'll have tons of dishes to clean up and you can listen to talk radio and drink while you do the dishes. Washing a bunch of dishes is boring without drinking.
Then you can go outside and reward yourself for washing all those dishes with a cigarette. And make something healthy. Gotta keep your health up, you know.
It's about fun, right, buddy? Not blotting things out.
People are disloyal anyway. It's been proven time and again that whenever they get a girlfriend they drop you like a hot potato. I won't leave you. I'm just a 5 min. walk away. Make sure you hit the store before it closes at 10pm and I'll be smiling back at you every time you open the fridge. Buy a little extra so that we can spend a little time tomorrow before you take care of that business.
And definitely take care of that business. It's a wee harsh world out there and everything takes money. But for now, just ease back. If you don't have human contact, you'll wither. But, all work and no play makes Renaldo dull boy.
People say you're a talented designer, but why don't they put their money where their mouth is? Ah, guess there are tons of people who can do what you do. Ah screw 'em. All the good jobs are taken. With the advent of the internet, the marketplace is changing so fast. All that urban hip hop stuff is a bunch of dreck anyway.
Come on, man. The Indian cashier at the liquor store gives you a discount. It's been going on for 3 generations now. He doesn't expect you to chat him up. Just be polite and he'll keep giving you the discount. How perfect is that? He's taciturn and you aren't in the mood for idle chat anyway. You can just go in, get me, and be on your way.
He's probably relieved to see you 'cuz he knows he doesn't have to listen to someone hanging around the register talking about whatever, expecting him to care. He's probably just faking caring anyway.
It's all just an act when he greets Mexicans saying, "Ola Amigo," and greets Americans saying, "Hey boss." He just says "hi" to you. He knows you can see through the ********.
Memory loss? Ah, what's a little memory loss? No big whoop. OK, so sometimes it takes you a little longer to remember something mid sentence, but you remember it eventually. You don't black out. You're not that bad. You don't get hangovers.
You don't dump your problems on people who had nothing to do with it. Oh well, there was that one time, but that was an isolated incident and you were going through a really difficult time. Come on, cut yourself some slack.
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Writing all this stuff brings it clearly into focus how totally ridiculous it is.
It reminds me of an underground cartoon "White Boy's Burden." This 20 something white guy suddenly notices there's this mischievous monkey on his back. He asks, "how long have you been there?" and the monkey replies, "I've been here all the time, you just never noticed me." A debate ensues, concluding with the monkey saying as he's handing the guy a smoking pipe, "just stick with me, and I'll keep you stoned as f*cking hell!"