Seek, ((((hugs))))
It has taken me awhile to respond to your post because I understand how you feel. Be gentle on yourself knowing you did the best you could at the time. A couple of thoughts.
The first is his behavior is not directed at you, he is wrestling with his own demons. While you may feel the pain of his decisions they are not yours to carry. For it to do him him any good he has to figure them out for himself.
Second, know that you are not alone. I think all of us here have felt as you do. I know that I have.
And last, know that this too shall pass. In my case I believe my anger was a warning that I was destroying myself in much the same way my AW was destroying herself. It was a signal that it was time for me to start taking care of myself. By being angry it was easier for me to create some distance and start my own healing process.
Your friend,