Originally Posted by
Maylie 
Seek, don't beat yourself up over the should haves, because honestly, no matter what you did differently, it wouldn't have made a difference. He isn't an alcoholic because of anything you did or didn't do, he is an alcoholic because he has made certain choices and has not decided to actively seek recovery.
Have you thought about going to counseling to talk about these feelings with a professional? I understand the anger and pain, but it isn't healthy to let the anger take over. Although your grandson has chosen to not seek recovery, that doesn't mean that you should allow his choice to effect you so negatively.
The last thing I would like to say is that even though you disagree with how he is living his life, it is his life to life. Everyone should be given the dignity to live their lives the way they choose, and although we hope that our loved ones will find recovery, that is up to them.
To address your first paragraph, if it has nothing to do with me, I wish I was not on Earth to experience this. It is too painful. I am his grandmother. I was "there" for him - I helped raise him. It is very personal, as I have always had his welfare at heart and did everything I could to provide what I thought he needed.
I have gone to counseling - I have gone to Alanon - I cannot accept that this is what has happened, although I know to find peace, I have to be ok with it, which most days I manage to be - in other words, I cope. But down deep, these are my true feelings which spill over once in awhile. I did label this a RANT and I recognize it as not being healthy or productive. I should not have posted.
My grandson is in recovery.
And I agree it is his life - BUT the way he lives his life affects other people. I don't believe people have the right to adversely affect other people (this is a spiritual belief). I believe in Quantum Physics - the Butterfly Effect - so everything affects everything else.
His counselor, who was strictly AA by the book also taught him that whatever he did was in isolation and had no affect on anyone else and if they told you it did, they were just being "co-dependent." Which I think is a crock of B.S.
But I did get myself worked up and there is no point to that.