Seek, I am sorry you are in such pain. I do understand your pain. I adopted my 2 children at ages 8 and 10. They were my world, my heart and my joy. Neither one even called me on Christmas or returned my call. My son's Mother's Day gift, after church and a beautiful letter to me, was to steal from me again.
So much pain, so much sorrow, so much disappointment.
For me own sanity, I have had to let go with love and give them to God. When I feel sad, confused and sometimes resentful, I remind myself of the parable of the prodigal son. I find comfort in knowing God has a plan.
God Bless Seek